A Home For Haylee (view this story)

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Rep: 87
Michael Fagans May 5, 2010, 2:49 p.m. permalink

Brandon:

Solid piece for a daily.

I like that you had the white background, although there was one fade to black that stood out for me. It is lighter, different and keeps things clean.

The start is a little slow for me. In one sense your story arc followed the day, which works, but in this case I am not surprised, I kind of know where things are going. Keeping in mind there are many different ways to tell stories; the :27 quote from Mom, the 1:10 quote from Dad and the 1:27 quote from Haylee might have set the table much faster and more effectively than your one minute intro. This would catch my attention and I would want to know how things get resolved.

I liked your use of music, although the “up” needle drop at the end was a bit schmaltzy for me. The opener and guitar were very nice. We haven’t talked much about this as a site yet, but I am hoping you have, got or dealt with the rights for the music (for some reason photographers seem to skip over this – I am not pointing fingers at anyone or implying anything about yourself, just a general observation).

There was a brief awkward section from 2:09-2:15 that felt jumpy, nice audio but the cuts were abrupt and the video seemed dark.

Overall I like the piece. As with all of us, tighter would be better, but it has a nice flow.

Rep: 5
Submitter
Brandon Ross May 5, 2010, 3:16 p.m. permalink

very useful feedback. thanks much!

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