Bras over Bay (view this story)

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Rep: 91
Peter Huoppi May 7, 2010, 4:25 a.m. permalink

This is a really fun story with a lot of amusing visuals and good voices. I think it needs to be shorter than 3 minutes.

Your opening is very effective with the quick cuts. The fast pace keeps me interested. I like the use of the radio DJs, but I think maybe you overdo it a bit. I don't need to hear a description of the curtain of bras. This is video: show, don't tell. The visual of the curtain going up is much more effective and interesting, but I have to wait until 2:05 to see it. I also have to wait until about 2:00 to hear why they are doing this. These are the best parts of your story, so I would suggest making some cuts to get these higher in the story. You will have lost a lot of audience by the 2 minute mark.

One other thing is to watch (listen to) your audio transitions. There are a few very drastic audio cuts that sound sort of like hiccups. Use cross fades to smooth these out.

Overall, this is an excellent daily video. I'm glad you got reactions of from several different people, including the visual of people driving by. The two women donating on the spot was a nice moment. You did a very good job shooting, I think it just needed some tighter editing.

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