COMA (view this story)

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Rep: 444
Eric Seals May 7, 2010, 8:11 p.m. permalink

Hi Adriano,

I loved the some of style and approach you took with this from the way it was shot, to the music (which set the tone and mood of the piece) and the use of black and white.

It's great to see a mother love her son so much that she'd do anything to bring attention to his cause and now I want to see her passion for that....

What I was struggling with or questions I had were these things;

Not seeing Antonio enough. He is why I'm interested in this. I understand he is in the bed all time but showing him more would have been nice especially at the beginning of the video, perhaps his mom taking care of him and pictures of Antonio before he went into the coma back in 1989 so we have some context of him compared to now.

The time of the video, it was too long at 4:45. His mother was really the only central character in the piece and with a tighter edit it could be taken down to 2:30 or so.

I really wish there was another voice or two in here (and the dad doesn't count because he barely said anything, maybe he was shy or just their for a bit when you were shooting this)
Perhaps some of her friends who stop by to check in on her. What are their thoughts and reactions to the cause she has taken up for her son. Plus in doing that you could of had more b-roll of that person or persons visiting in the tent, drinking coffee, talking etc.

More natural sound, her talking to him, reading to him etc?

How about siblings? Do they come to check on their brother and their mother? What are there thoughts?

She's there to collect signatures and I'd love to have seen that from the detail or people writing their names to something medium or wide of the mom in conversation with that person or persons outside the tent.

I know it was less than a day shoot but perhaps you could of found out if a doctor, nurse or some comes in once in awhile to check on her son and you could of gone back for that.

"I fix his bed, I bath him, I get hot water from the ministry building, at least I have that" Let us see that. I want to see her taking care Antonio who we only saw a couple of times. I felt really disconnected from him to be honest.

You had some nice b-roll of people walking by looking at it but then you didn't show the tent she's living in. A good sense of place would of really helped out. I wanted to see where this place was in relation to the rest of the area of Madrid's city center. I didn't get to see how big or small the tent was or something wide of people walking by paying no attention to them or glancing quickly during the lunch hour. Even something shot from a roof or 5th floor window showing the overall of her home with her son for those 140 days.

The in and out of focus was really starting to get to me. It was to much in my opinion, the last thing you want is any distractions visual or audio wise for the viewer (I know the it can be used as a technique) but they can be finicky and move on to something else.

The subtitles in white were sometimes hard to read and a nice gray bar underneath could have helped make the words pop more.

Adriano, I love your style, there is an art to it. I think you could have something really good here man. With a tighter edit, more elements of people, showing Antonio more with the love, care and passion the mom shows, you'd be good to go.

Eric

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Submitter
Adriano Moran May 10, 2010, 3:24 a.m. permalink

Thats exactly what i was looking for. Thanks for all your comments.

Yes, maybe it needs more faces in, and more shots too and its too long. Good point, certainly it needs a cenital view. Concerning Antonio, his mother asked me not film his face, ought to that, he only apperars a few seconds. Ok, too much in-out focus and difficult for read subtles, i´ll change that.

Thank you very much, it will be very useful for next works.

Rep: 444
Eric Seals May 10, 2010, 9:21 a.m. permalink

Glad to help out and I hope others chime in as well.

Rep: 50
Michael Lloyd May 11, 2010, 12:54 a.m. permalink

I loved the style of the film. I thought the black and white footage was effective in this somber story about a family on the edge. The music was understated and used to bring different sections of the piece together.

I was troubled by not seeing more of Antonio, especially what his life is like in the plastic house in downtown Madrid. His mother was obviously a willing voice in the story, but maybe less talking about the situation and more showing it would have given viewers more substance.

The focus was another distraction for me. I'm not a fan of handheld video and the wavering camera work along with the focus pulling in and out was more of a distraction than an expressive effect.

That said, I thought it was a great story that might have gotten even better by waiting for some more natural activities to unfold.

Looking forward to seeing more of your work,
Mike

Rep: 33
Adam Wisneski May 12, 2010, 7:41 a.m. permalink

I LOVE the style of this. It doesn't feel completely polished, maybe you're still experimenting with your vision, but I like the track you're on. I like that you took liberties with music and camera angles and focus. The content held up, too.

I kept thinking about all the times I walk by people like this and write them off. Made me wonder who else has a story like this.

nice work.

Adam

Rep: 0
Submitter
Adriano Moran May 19, 2010, 3:56 p.m. permalink

Yes, this video was a little experiment. In future, I'll remember your tips. Thank you, very usefull site, really.

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