Dad of "Deaf Kid" returns to music (view this story)

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Rep: 6
Michael Rosenblum June 24, 2010, 2:41 p.m. permalink

Peter
This is a very pretty piece but it is also very hard to follow what is going on. Great shooting, really bad 'story telling'. Perhaps for regulars of The Day they know the back story, but for me, looking at it for the first time, I am perpetually asking what the heck is going on here, who are these people and what is this all about. It should not be so hard, with so much good potential, to follow this. You have to structure this as a story for someone who knows nothing about any of this, as you might tell it to someone you met at dinner who also knew nothing about it. Starting with the flowers is pretty but very offputting. What is this all about? At the very beginning I am already lost. This is about two people - Derek and his father - how they lived and how his father handled his death. So start with the two characters/ This is Derek. This is is father. Two years ago (or whatever it is), Derek died. See? Now I am already into the story. What did he die of? What happened along the way? What is with the music? How did he and his father relate/ That's the story that wants to be told here. It's like Michelangelo once said, 'I look at the piece of marble and I see the sculpture that is trying to get out'. You have a great story here trying to get out - tell it in a much more linear and direct and simpler (and ultimately more compelling) way

Rep: 2
Gary Miller June 25, 2010, 3:35 p.m. permalink

With respect to Michael’s comments.

The story seems very clear as an update “where are they now” follow story.

Both in the subject’s own words and that in the voice over, but I understand where this
may seem light and “who cares?”

The use of segments from the earlier story might have helped add more context.

My interest was in the music and the fact that the father had a difficult time visiting the songs of his son.

Nothing ever carries the same weight when telling a story and this seems to take the middle road between music and garden?

Rep: 91
Submitter
Peter Huoppi June 28, 2010, 5:24 p.m. permalink

Thanks for the feedback, guys. You hit on some of the decisions I was wrestling with when putting this together. This was the first part:

http://www.theday.com/article/20090315/MEDIA0102/906159971

It was much more in depth and focused on the music. For the update, I had to decide how much of the original story to re-tell, and figure out how much I could do with the quick turnaround.

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