Do Something You Love (view this story)

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Rep: 91
Peter Huoppi June 10, 2011, 11:43 a.m. permalink

You've got the makings of a great story here: a compelling subject, emotional content, and nicely-composed visuals. You've got a strong beginning and ending to the story, but I think the middle could use some improvement.
The start flies in the face of a lot of web video conventional wisdom. The pace is slow, you linger on shots for more than 3-5 seconds, and I was ready to criticize you for that, but as I watched I thought, "you know, this works." The intro draws me in and I can't help but watch. It doesn't lose my interest at all in that first minute.
The place where I started to get antsy was during the sequence with the horse and the snow. They're nice moments, but there's nothing to move the story along. I would have liked to hear more from Andy, and this would have been the place to do it. I wanted to hear Andy talking about the experience of being blind, how he perceives and interacts with the world.
When you get back to the music at the end, the story starts moving along again. I love the quotes from Andy and his Mom, but worry that the middle might lose some people. The ending is great, although I keep debating using that last shot. On the one hand I really like having him walk out of the frame and the sound bite adds a bit of personality, on the other, I think you could have made a clean ending with a dissolve out at 4:55 after mom's last quote.

Rep: 3
Chris Langer June 10, 2011, 6:07 p.m. permalink

Thank you Peter!  Glad to see you were interested in the story.  He is a really great person and I am glad I got the chance to tell his story.  

I had trouble with the middle section.  Tried to work it down a bit into this finished piece. 

I like the idea of the change in the ending.  I will play around with it again in Final Cut and see which one works better.  

Thank you!

Rep: 48
Pat Shannahan June 11, 2011, 8:27 a.m. permalink

I like your subject and you have some really interesting shots and sounds. At 5:12 though it feels a little long. You do a good job of making me care about Andy but I agree that the middle started to loose me.

I really want to hear him speak sooner. We don't hear him say anything until 2 minutes into the piece and then it's just a laugh. Up to that point I had the impression that he couldn't speak. I'd really liek to hear ore from him.

I think if you edit the part out at the coffee shop it might tighten things up a bit. I already get from the walking in the snow shot that he's close to his mom. 

I agree with Peter about ended it sooner. I like the people clapping and then seeing him look truly happy. It's a good contrast with how you started the piece where he was sitting alone playing out of tune notes. If you end it there 4:55, it tightens it up a bit and shows Andy going through a change. Nice work.

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