Donuts for Breakfast (view this story)

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Rep: 38
Kevin Wellenius Oct. 20, 2010, 4:46 p.m. permalink

Nice piece! The quick pace of the detail shots works really well, as it's timed with Tony rattling off the names. I like that your detail shots either have real action (like the various donuts frying) or they're totally still (there's a few exceptions). I'm not a big fan of video clips just being held on a scene where nothing happens -- real stills work much better for my taste.


 


The strength of the piece comes from hearing Tony interact with the customers. Tons of energy and enthusiasm from this guy. The breakfast donut is a nice quirk which underscores that this is a pretty uncommon place. I'm glad you didn't dwell too much on it. Frankly, it seems like customers aren't real sure about it, and it's better than they expect. This seems more genuine than if you had waited to get a clip of someone who raved about it. Tony is willing to try new things; some work, some don't, but the piece is about Tony's efforts.


 


A few ideas: the store hours might be better as a still image than as a panned video, I think. Also, you can probably cut this so it doesn't need a voiceover. Hearing Tony bring so much to the piece, any other voice will seem dull by comparison. If you do keep the voiceover, you might have it come later; let Tony speak during those crucial first 10 seconds when viewers are deciding whether to stick around a bit longer.


 


I love the ending -- you're leaving, but you know Tony is going at it as hard as ever.


 


Kevin

Rep: 14
Submitter
Tony Overman Oct. 20, 2010, 4:58 p.m. permalink

Thanks for the critique, Kevin. Great points! I'm always torn between "voiceover vs no voiceover."

Rep: 21
Peg Achterman Oct. 20, 2010, 6:15 p.m. permalink

Fabulous Tony!!! I loved the end as well. There is a sign that says "internet service" - it's white so it stands out - does that mean wireless or orders via the Web? It just caught my eye.
Sort of wondered how he got the idea on the breakfast donut thing? And...someone biting into one would have been quite the money shot.
Great pacing, great character! Fun. I will use it in class for sure!!!

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