Great Britain's football team at the Amputee World Cup (view this story)

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Rep: 33
Adam Wisneski Jan. 19, 2011, 10:07 p.m. permalink

Nice story. I was engaged the whole time. I thought your structure worked. You had a lede, an explanation (nut graph), and some character development. Then you built up to the championship which was a good ending. I felt the build up and was looking forward to seeing how the team was going to do in the game. I thought you had some nice action/reaction shots, and your b-roll wasn't just filler. You put me in the setting, let me know where I was, with each new scene. 


I thought this was a great story, interesting, engaging and told in an effective way. Very in-depth for a one man show. I love when I really feel like i've learned something instead of getting a glossed-over, surface story. This felt complete, or as complete as it could be in 10 min.

For me, there was one major thing that was distracting. Realizing you're on a time schedule and doing this all by yourself, I think it would be an easy fix.

 Your audio cuts are jarring. Often when you're cutting nat sound, but also with interviews. I think crossfades on both ends of your audio clips could help. And, I think an effective way to soften audio transitions is to avoid cutting the audio AND visual at the same time. You did this a lot. Someone will start talking (you, or a player) at the same moment as a visual cut, and it feels choppy. You could lead the audio in for a couple seconds then make the visual cut, or vice versa. I'm talking about nat sound and interview sound. I think it would help your stories feel more smooth and polished. 

Anybody else do this consciously? 

That's the only major thing I noticed. The ending felt abrupt, too. Hope this is helpful. 

A




Rep: 1
Submitter
Paul Byrne Jan. 20, 2011, 7:01 a.m. permalink

Adam,


Thanks a million. Really good to get your tip on the audio transition...from now on I will use your advise in doing this more effectively.

Much appreciated

Paul

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