Island of Second Chances (view this story)

Details

Category: Feature
Media: Video
Turnaround time: More than a day but less than a week

Description of story

The Female Offender and Treatment Program, FOTEP, is one of the few government-funded, gender-responsive programs for women parolees in California. We look at a day in the life of 31-year-old Chantel Ginochio who is going through the FOTEP program and is on her way to recovery.

Feedback requested

Looking to see if the story makes sense as a whole. What did I miss? Thank you so much in advance

Gear used in production

7D
Marantz PMD 660

1 comment - Login to comment

Reviewer
Adam Wisneski Aug. 15, 2010, 8:11 a.m. permalink

Hi Steve, 


I think this story makes sense as a whole. It was full of emotion, and you kept it concise and powerful. Some of your video shots were just gorgeous, and really helped hold me in the story. The quotes were very solid. I felt each scene propelled the story forward, and was not boring or slow.

If you want to make this flow even better, here are my observations.

The lede of the story didn't really serve your purpose I think. It does set a mood, and this piece is full of mood. It's actually really cool what she says about the bridges and the view, but I feel you had better stuff you could have began with that would have set up some tension and raised a question at the beginning. 

What about "I've been waiting my whole life for this breaking point ....." When I heard that quote I was like BAM! That's it! The story. This one quote would clue the viewer into what kind of story this is going to be, it makes me WANT to find out what this breaking point was, and it introduces this universal life experience. We all have those breaking points. The lede you have now doesn't tell me anything except where we are. And then it never comes back to mean anything later on. 
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I was a little distracted by the noise in the background on the quotes. After a while I got used to it. But it was jarring at first. It saps the intimacy from her voice. Crossfades might have helped soften it. 
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I LOVE the shot of her and her daughter looking at the camera, but it lingered too long. It was gripping when I first saw it, a powerful part of the story and a good end. But the shot stayed long enough to lose it's grip and poignancy, even though you switched viewpoints. 
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The font you used is really hard to read. I had to reread some of your text slides. And that made it hard to follow the story. I watched it twice before I really caught everything. I like the way it looks, but the all caps and condensed nature of it made it tough to read quickly.

Overall, great storytelling. Focused and intimate. Fun to watch.

A





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