Junkyard Pilates (view this story)

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Rep: 91
Peter Huoppi Oct. 7, 2010, 6:10 a.m. permalink

This was a fun situation deserving of a story. The juxtaposition  of pilates in an unlikely situation automatically makes me take notice. This was really well shot, and well edited to keep a quick pace.


My only suggestion would be to tinker with the storyline a little bit. As it stands, this just kind of tells me in order: this is a junkyard, they do pilates, here's why, some guys like it and some don't. very straightforward. There was a little tension and conflict in the guy who says "it sucks." What if you moved his commenst up the front, to establish a sense of conflict before actually telling us about the pilates. It would make me curious immediately, much more so than with the current standard scene-setting opener.

Rep: 21
Peg Achterman Oct. 7, 2010, 7:09 a.m. permalink

Great pace on editing - love the story! Good use of angles. I'm with Peter here on establishing the conflict a bit - element of surprise in some way.

The composition is good all along - things in the foreground and background to make it interesting. However --- the focal length variance is lacking somewhat. There are lots of medium and wide shots here - not enough grimacing!

Rep: 444
Eric Seals Oct. 7, 2010, 5:42 p.m. permalink

Really nice McKenna! Nice seeing an exercise that is so precise and delicate versus the macho, dirty and brute strength of these guys and their jobs!  


I too love the editing, the style of how you did it and the good sound bites and natural sound you had.

I'd say surprise us more with this.  One thing I've learned and try to apply from Jonathan and Boyd at KARE (when they came to our paper for a workshop) is the surprise element...the first 10 seconds or so you built it up to the reveal of pilates but perhaps showing one or two of the guys moving, crushing cars and you showing, them talking about the physical demands, the sweat etc and how it is like a workout then transition to the woman "come on guys..."

I would of loved seeing great details on this from that grimacing that Peg mentioned to nice details of their dirty hands, fingernails etc as they are bending, stretching with those colorful bands, yellow things etc.  Showing the grace and art with the down and dirty.

I enjoyed watching this! :-)

Eric



Rep: 1
Christopher Cascarano Oct. 14, 2010, 5:28 a.m. permalink

Great story.  I think this could go viral!


I think the story structure was great. Everything sort of fell into place. I was left wondering whether or not they really like doing Pilates or not. Maybe talking to more of the guys would have helped that. Also wondered who came up with the idea, but it didn't effect the story. 

Nonetheless, this was an amazing story and I learned a lot form it. Thanks for sharing. 

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