Living life to the fullest (view this story)

2 comments - Login to comment

Rep: 38
Kevin Wellenius July 16, 2010, 6:37 p.m. permalink

[NOTE: this piece should be seen after the first pice Nick posted, called "Emmarie Truman."]

The pictures in this piece are a lot stronger, and have a more important role in telling the story. This is no doubt due in part to Emme being out of the hospital. You do a nice job showing her doing her daily activities and the special occasions (like prom and graduation). The audio is strong also, and the ending quote is a great choice.

There's a series of three images of Erin early on that don't seem to fit, or are never explained in this chapter. Why are we seeing Erin getting dialysis (that's what I assume it is) when she's talking about Emme? Watch for these potential confusions where the audio and the visuals give different messages.

For the longer piece, I would suggest keeping the chapter structure. For a viewer, it is pretty daunting to see the timer read 10 minutes before starting on a piece, and it places a huge emphasis on good pacing to keep the interest level up. Chapters allow people to "skim" the project, jumping forward to the next main theme if they wish. You can't do that with one long project and a scrubber bar. It also permits a person to jump back in halfway without waiting for the prior portions to load.

These two are nice, concise chapters. I look forward to seeing the final project.

Rep: 2
Submitter
Nick Dentamaro July 19, 2010, 9:28 a.m. permalink

Thanks for the thoguhts Kevin.

I think you're right about the chapters. I'm just going to re-evaluate the quote structure as well as the visuals one more time.

This story could have been a nice beginning middle and end. Instead I wound up with two sort of overview chapters. I don't know if that is a bad thing necessarily but I thought it might be strong the other way. Any thoughts on that?

This was also the first story I've really followed for this long so I'll take it as a learning experience, as everything should be taken I guess.

-nd

Login to comment

Likes

You must be logged in to like this story