Losing a limb and gaining a dream (view this story)

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Rep: 91
Peter Huoppi Aug. 1, 2012, 12:36 p.m. permalink

How could this be improved? More B-roll! You had way too much of your subject just sitting and talking. I want to see how he gets around on this prosthesis. He talked about day-to-day getting around. Show me that. Show me him getting up in the morning and navigating his home. Follow him to class. To lunch. To the locker room. Show me a lot more than minutes of practice. If you were limited to only this one brief shooting opportunity, show me more variety.
I think you had the right idea in the opening, slowly revealing the prosthesis, but you could have done it in a much more interesting way. Surprise the viewer. You could have first shown us the guys running from the waist up. Then show Ranjit lagging behind. Use a quote about his injury that doesn't reveal the amputation. Tease the viewer with the odd sound of him running. THEN reveal the prosthesis. THEN reveal the fact that he CHOSE amputation.
Rather than letting the subject tell the story straight through, flex your story telling muscles and cut his quotes into an order that suits your story. This story has a lot of good potential. Some more creative shooting and editing could push it to the next level.

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