Marcus Buggs Growing up fast, determined to succeed! (view this story)

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Rep: 87
Michael Fagans Jan. 3, 2013, 11:22 p.m. permalink

Eric:



You asked me to do this.....first off, great subject, fantastic access,
an important story thread to be told so kudos for you and the FREEP for
taking the time to do this work.

So, great opening, BUT, I had to bump up the sound and play it back a
second time to catch his voice. Love what he is saying, but it was hard
for me to hear him.

I was also glad that you got the phone interview with his mother. That was a critical piece of the storytelling.

I went on to watch the other segments because, as I suspected, you got
your rhythm down on with Marcus as all of you progressed through the
story. Each segment built on the previous and part 4 hums on all
cylinders.

At the end of the day I feel with part 1 that you are giving me too much
show and tell, the person talking off camera and the action matching
the description. I see that with his siblings and where he lives in the
basement. The last 1:30 you move beyond that and use visual storytelling
that compliments what people are saying rather than illustrating what
they are saying. The visuals are more perpendicular than parallel to the
words. The images are also telling me things they you are not saying
with interviews and that feels more comfortable for me.

Note: I like the fact that you show the six flags image and then come back to it at the end, nice book end.

Transitions: I want to see more of them. I think you need to let him
walk out of frame more or leave a room and close the door or turn off
the light so that you have more visual transitions and cues to work
with. One of the things I am learning from a Hollywood type is camera
motion in and out of a shot so that it can be matched up later, or cut,
just more options for you in the editing room.

I was also hoping to get more quiet time to digest all that I was
hearing and seeing. The bus and when he was eating alone were two times I
didn't need words and you could have let the visuals and the music tell
the story for you. Be strong and trust your visuals. Speaking of which,
the score underneath is nice and subtle and works. I can't wait to hear
a person score the piece for you!

I am hoping that when you put everything in together that you introduce
Dr. Emerson sooner and breakup the linear narrative that you have for
parts 1-4. I understand what it is, but the piece does not have to
reflect the passage in time. A, B, C, D may be what happens, but C, A,
B, D may tell the story better, be open to that editing suite magic.

The last minute and a half of part one work really well for me. I feel
like it is a doc, it is working, interviews, visuals, cuts, camera
movement all work together and complimenting each other. Where it all
comes together is fine visual storytelling, if you can figure out what
was happening there in your head and with the material than the entire
piece will really sing.

Thanks for showing your work and opening up for review. Thanks for
pushing us on this site and I am glad that we had a chance to eat some
deep dish pizza together. Can't wait to see the entire final project.
Kudos.

Rep: 444
Submitter
Eric Seals Jan. 4, 2013, 12:32 p.m. permalink

Thanks Michael for reviewing it and all the good comments and feedback.


It had been sitting in the story pool forever it seems.  I'm doing my best to review peoples videos and pushing people to review.  I do hope things pick up with reviewing and others submitting.

I'll have to watch Part 1 again about the sound being low at the start. Thanks for noticing that.

I like what you had to say about Part 1 giving you "too much show and tell.."  Good point and will keep that in mind as I edit this 4 part beast into one long piece.

Totally get what you're saying about those transition. I remember having some of Marcus walking up the stairs, walking through the frame, etc. I'll be sure to watch it again and keep in mind what you said.

It's been a fun year following him, gaining his trust which has really opened more doors to the story.

Take care,

Eric


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