Pigging out at Camp Bacon (view this story)

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Rep: 6
Michael Rosenblum June 24, 2010, 10:43 a.m. permalink

Eric - it's interesting. It's well shot, but I find it a bit lacking in a driving direction. It's a kind of overview of an event which just sits there. The open, the sizzle sounds of bacon should be followed up with one of your very good ecus on the bacon. Now that get's me attention. Then you cut to the guy eating the bacon ice cream. Now who has heard of that? So you have me there. And then you start the narrative 'the smell of bacon hung in the air' and jeez, we're back to really mediocre local news copy. When you have me with the sizzle and the bacon ice cream I am asking, 'what the hell is that? Bacon ice cream?' at which point your narrative should say 'Yes. Bacon Ice Cream. ANd that was only the beginning at the whatever it is... " Then, you go to the talking head guy. Who is he? I need a character here. Is he the founder of the thing? Is this his idea? connect me with someone here and make me care. The pig at the end is funny, but in a local news kind of way. Maybe you do more with the pig and cut back and forth. Who is the pig guy? Is that really there? I need characters and i need an arc of story. It's ok, but it could be better.

Rep: 444
Submitter
Eric Seals June 24, 2010, 12:41 p.m. permalink

Thanks Michael, great points and critique. You gave me things to think about and I'm still shaking my head at myself for a few things you mentioned that I didn't even think to add to this piece.

Still new at some of the lingo, not sure what ecus means, I'm guessing you mean sound bites about the bacon??

I get ya with the narrative playing off the bacon ice cream...as you say...'Yes. Bacon Ice Cream. And that was only the beginning at the whatever it is... " Good idea!

My idea was to use the bacon tasting guy with the ice cream and two different bacons as the beginning, middle and end of the video just for continuity and a theme. It was my attempt at getting the viewer to connect a bit and know the character some.

Yes the one guy Ari is the founder of Camp Bacon and I should have had that in the lower third instead of Zingerman's co-owner.
Your idea makes much more sense!

Not sure what you mean about "the pig at the end is funny but in a local news kind of way" you mention, that's my aim and audience, the local news in Detroit with my newspaper and the local CBS affiliate which the videos run on. I didn't think the pig guy was important at all to the story and I just wanted to save the pig part for the end for a bit of humor to leave the viewers laughing or smiling.

I guess one of the problems I'm having with all this video storytelling is always trying to find the arc of the story. It should always be more than just pretty visuals and fun, interesting sound bites. It's always a challenge.

Thanks again for taking the time to watch the video and the good points you mentioned :-)

Eric

Rep: 6
Michael Rosenblum June 28, 2010, 10:11 a.m. permalink

ecu is Extreme Close up

Rep: 444
Submitter
Eric Seals June 28, 2010, 1:16 p.m. permalink

ya yes

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