The Boys in the Box (view this story)

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Colin Mulvany Aug. 17, 2012, 1:44 p.m. permalink

Pretty interesting local story John. Some things that stood out:


When you show Tim and Michael for the first time, one of them is talking, but I can't hear him. It's always frustrating and unnerving for the viewer to see lips moving but not being able to hear what the person is saying. A nice static video portrait would have been better here.

At 0.39  you go from a wide shot of the ball field to Tim starting to talk-- "Ok my a, streak started..." This is a hard edit that could be improved with  a split edit. You want to hear Tim before you see him. In this case I would start the audio of Tim under the wide shot of the ball field. I would also cut the "OK, well aaa..." out and just start with "My streak..."
What is missing from most of your b-roll footage is natural sound. You took the audio all the way down. I always avoid what I call dead video (b-roll video without sound.) Raise the level so that just a hint of audio comes through, but not enough to interfere with the interview narrative. 

When you introduce  announcer Michael, I would have started that sequence with a soundbite of him announcing, then cut to him talking about his streak. 

I would try and weave some more natural sound pops into the interview narrative to break it up a bit. Like the crack of a bat and the roar of the crowd etc.

Finally, Your lower thirds titles are a bit too large. Scale them down. I like to make the top title bold. I reduce the size of the lower tile. In the Motion tab I use these settings: Inset: 1.5, softness 30 and opacity 90. 

I like the gold coin about the leg. That was a surprise that kept me interesting in the story. 

Hope that helps,
Colin






Rep: 7
Submitter
John Harte Aug. 30, 2012, 4:40 p.m. permalink

Thanks, Colin. Feedback much appreciated!

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