the Deli Guy (view this story)

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Reviewer
Eric Seals Aug. 26, 2010, 8:21 p.m. permalink

Hi Roy,


I pass by this place often going down Woodward Avenue but have never been in so I was looking forward to seeing what it was like inside, the personality of the place and it's customers but I didn't feel or get that from your piece.

Alex seemed to just talked about everything and it wasn't focused enough, no story structure.

I wanted more voices in the piece besides his voice in order to know, see and hear many things;
-Why he is there, the history of the deli, has he owned it for decades? 
-What he loves about it, what keeps him coming back over the years.
-The interactions with customers.
-The natural sound of cooking, cleaning, plates, cups clanking, the noise atmosphere of his deli, laughter, customers talking with each other or to Alex, etc
-Customers talking about Alex, the deli and how unique or special it is to them. 
-What makes him and his deli different or better than the one across the street.
-What is the number 1 sandwich that he makes for customers? What is his favorite sandwich?

Visually I wanted more as well;
-Personality of Alex and the customers.
-Fun.
-Exploring with angles. Shooting high and low. Most of the pictures seemed to be taken from the same point of view. Have fun exploring the angles. Stay in one place and let the pictures come to you.
-Seeing him making the sandwiches so much so that at the end of the day his clothes or apron are covered in bread crumbs or pieces of meat kind of thing. 
-Would loved to have felt hungry after watching your piece ---make me salivate! ;-)
-Tighter details of sandwiches, people stuffing their faces, wiping the mayo off the sides of their mouth kind of things.


If needed go in and just sit in the corner for a 1/2 hour or so and just take note of what goes on in the deli you'd be surprised how many picture ideas you'd see, the questions that come to mind or crazy and interesting characters that sit down to eat. 

Eric










 




Submitter
Roy Feldman Aug. 27, 2010, 3:43 a.m. permalink

Thanks Eric, will try harder next time

Reviewer
Eric Seals Aug. 27, 2010, 6:22 a.m. permalink

Cool Roy, 


I hope I wasn't to down on your piece. 

Finding the Frame is all about pushing each other to get better at this stuff, seeing things differently, getting the story more focused and compelling to edit and watch. 

I have received some great feedback and constructive criticism from reviewers on my videos on this site and it has given me things to think about and I'm improving because of it all :-)

Eric

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